The New Year is a time for hope, renewal…and resolutions that will likely fade faster than a sliced tee shot into the woods. Here are 10 funny New Year’s resolutions every golfer considers—and why they’ll probably abandon them by February.
1. Practice Putting Every Day
Why It Won’t Stick: Turns out, rolling balls into a coffee mug on your living room carpet isn’t as thrilling as it sounds. Plus, the dog keeps stealing your practice balls.
2. Never Throw My Clubs Again
Why It Won’t Stick: Nothing releases rage quite like helicoptering a wedge into the nearest pond. It’s practically therapy.
3. Stick to My Pre-Shot Routine
Why It Won’t Stick: After three practice swings, lining up the shot, and visualizing the ball’s flight, your buddy is already heckling you for taking too long. “Just hit it already!”
4. Hit the Gym to Improve My Swing
Why It Won’t Stick: You thought lifting weights would help with driver distance. Instead, you’ve pulled a muscle trying to bench press for the first time since college. Ouch.
5. Play More Consistently
Why It Won’t Stick: Because golf is chaos. One day you’re striping drives down the fairway, and the next you’re wondering if someone swapped your clubs for a set steak knives.
6. Stop Blaming My Equipment
Why It Won’t Stick: You can’t possibly admit that your 8-iron shank was your fault. It’s obviously the club. Time to upgrade to that $500 driver…again.
7. Lower My Handicap by Five Strokes
Why It Won’t Stick: This resolution dies the moment you triple bogey the first hole of the year. But hey, who needs a handicap when you’re having fun? Right?
8. Play More Golf
Why It Won’t Stick: Between work, family, and budget constraints, your resolution to play every weekend turns into sneaking nine holes once a month (if you’re lucky).
9. Learn to Love Bunkers
Why It Won’t Stick: You can try rebranding bunkers as “sand opportunities,” but after the fourth shot fails to escape, the only opportunity you’re looking for is to rage quit.
10. Enjoy the Game, No Matter What
Why It Won’t Stick: Easier said than done when you four-putt from six feet. Again.
Final Thoughts
Golfers are optimists at heart, which is why we keep making resolutions even though we know they’ll last about as long as the memory of our last great shot. Cheers to another year of chasing birdies, dodging bogeys, and pretending this is the year it all comes together!